Self-sabotage is any action that hinders the achievement of our objectives.
It is said that we perform self-sabotage behavior when we create problems or interfere with our own medium and long-term objectives. The most common self-sabotage behaviors are postponement, self-medication with drugs or alcohol, overeating and various forms of self-harm. These acts may sometimes even seem useful at first, but ultimately weaken us, especially when we repeatedly engage in them.
People are not always aware of their own self sabotage, since the effects of their behavior may not appear for a while. Unfortunately, the effects sooner or later manifest and disrupt our dreams.
Even so, it is possible to overcome almost any form of self-sabotage, and people do it every day.
Why do we sabotage ourselves?
As we can see, self-sabotage can interfere with our best plans and goals. So why do we do it? Why do we end up hurting ourselves?
There are innumerable reasons why we can self-sabotage in a completely unconscious way, but the basis of all of them is mainly the fear of leaving our comfort zone, where we maintain a strong sense of order and control.
Unfortunately, as these actions increase, self sabotage is built and can create a deep well of self-destruction from which it is difficult to get out.
So why do we do this to ourselves? Here are six great reasons.
1. Lack of self-esteem
When you sabotage your own success for lack of selfesteem, it means that somehow you feel you don't deserve it. Ironically, some of the most motivated people to achieve a goal do so because they feel that must compensate for a feeling of self-imposed inadequacy. But when the fruits of their work lead to good things, be it a material benefit or an increase in state or power, then they unconsciously make the situation worse by themselves. Why does this happen?
The concept of cognitive dissonance sheds some light on the response. People like to be consistent: our actions tend to be in tune with our beliefs and values. When they are not, we make an effort to align them again. If we begin to accumulate victories and achievements, and we still see ourselves as defective, useless, incapable or deficient, we disconnect to get rid of disharmony. If we feel bad about failure, we will feel worse when we succeed.
2. Need for control
In this case the person will he feels better in controlling his own failure instead of facing the possibility that success takes him by surprise. Self-sabotage may not be pretty, but for many it is better than losing control. At least when you drive the ship, falling into flames feels more like a well-tolerated burn.
3. Fraud perception
As personal or professional success increases, we feel a higher level of demand or external pressure to "measure up." If we call attention to our triumphs, they are more likely to criticize or harass us, something for which not everyone is mentally prepared. This is also known as good imposter syndrome.
How does this manifest? Well, some try to do the least and wait to go unnoticed. Others will instead work hard and go for everyone, but they will feel under continuous pressure for fear of being revealed at any time. Either way, feeling like a fraud leads us easily to postponement and diversion.
4. The practical scapegoat
When things do not go as we wanted, it is easier blame the action instead of ourselves. Of course she left me, I was never close. Of course I failed the exam, I just studied. While these reasons may be true, they are more frivolous, and easier to accept and swallow than deeper or personal reasons. Of course she left me, I'm not worthy of love. Of course, I failed in class; I am unable to capture the material. So we act as we truly feel, and then blame the action.
Again, people like to be consistent. We even tend to choose consistency over our own satisfaction. If we are used to feeling ignored, abused or exploited, it is strangely reassuring to put ourselves in that position. If we have been there all our lives, even if we are not happy, it seems that we will prefer that to the unknown.
6. Out of boredom
From time to time, we self-sabotage simply for doing something. Looking for a fight or dramatizing things may seem silly, and it is, but these acts are not always random. Sabotageing ourselves creates the familiar feeling of instability and chaos. Also, if we are stuck in failure, it is a perverse way of using power while we are there.
So how can we stop cutting the tree branch we are sitting on? Look at the root well. If your self-sabotage materializes, you may have hidden fears.
Think about this, deep down, the fear of success is not really a fear of ambition or your own courage: it is the fear of trying your best and not having the expected result, it is the fear of feeling disappointed and publicly humiliated, fear that your best will not be enough.